Singing Out of Key
by almbookbuyer
Summary: River had thought Darillium would be the best night of her life. When she got there, though, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. It was starting to seem like this Song was going to be a disaster.


**Hello my Doctor Who readers! (and _potential_ Doctor Who readers :P )**

 **Today I come to you with a hurt/comfort story (surprise, surprise) about Darillium. Most people are writing a lot of happy fun sexy times, but I think that River still has some hurdles to jump before she can just have a happily ever after. Here's just a few...**

 **NOTE: This story is probably a little more awkward than my others. I haven't written much recently :/**

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Darillium had sounded like the saddest and most wonderful of nights in her books.

So far, it had been a nightmare.

Not in the traditional sense. She quite enjoyed the giant murderous robot portion. She even enjoyed nearly crashing to death, although the bonk to the head left her with quite the headache.

No. The nightmare was in the fact that River Song had expressly told The Doctor how she felt: no hiding the damage, no reassuring smiles, no flirtatious chuckles.

And as if that was bad enough, she was audibly upset about it.

Ooh she could just kill him sometimes.

But now she was stuck with him just… knowing. For twenty four years.

It was night one and she was ready to make a break for it.

Not that she was going to tell him that. I mean, she could always pop back in later… when she had gathered herself more.

So she kept herself composed throughout their dinner. She made their version of "light" and "normal" conversation, avoiding anything that might lead to bringing up her little speach.

And as dinner was wrapping up, their server asked, "Will you two be having dessert tonight."

The Doctor looked at River for confirmation, but didn't wait for her expression to change before looking back at the waitress. "Yes, actually. Please."

And within moments they were looking at a menu.

By this point, though, River was getting antsy. They had eaten. They had talked. It was only a matter of time before the reentered serious waters. This face was more serious than the last.

He wouldn't be as easy to fool.

"River?"

She looked up at him. "What, sweetie?"

He motioned to her right, and she looked up to see the waitress standing over them. River looked quickly down at the menu again. "Oh, my apologies! I- I'll have the tiramisu." This being the first thing she saw of course.

"Good choice," the woman said and gently slid the menu from River's shaky grasp. River noticed this only then and repositioned herself so her hands could rest on her lap.

When their server went to get the food, The Doctor began to fold a fresh napkin. She watched with interest, mostly to distract herself from the ever-growing sting in the back of her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she said.

"Shut up," he said.

She sighed. "You are a rude one, aren't you?"

He looked up. "It's how I show love."

And here was the beginning of a deep conversation. Her hearts pumped harder in her chest, just as desperate for escape as she was.

"What is it?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I- I'll be right back. I just need the ladies room."

He looked concerned but didn't question her when she left the table.

River hurried back to the TARDIS. She wasn't about to steal it now. River knew she wouldn't approve of it in these circumstances. But she was sure she'd hidden a vortex manipulator around somewhere…

Why did the stupid man have to redecorate?

River began tearing up the wardrobe where her usual outfits were. She knew that's where much of the TARDIS's relics ended up, but all she found was a skimpy green dress, a few pairs of handcuffs, and her blaster. Good. She'd need that.

But there was still no vortex manipulator! She swore to herself and headed to the bedroom.

The door was closed.

The Doctor only left the door closed when he was inside. He kept it open so he wouldn't get too excited and try to run inside… without opening the door. Maybe this face didn't do that, but…

She listened anyway. And lucky she did. She heard someone inside.

Her instincts told her to fight, but past experiences told her that it was The Doctor behind that door. He'd found her. And her best bet was to run.

Maybe she could hitch a ride on another spaceship? Or maybe she'd luck out and there'd be a time agent dining at dari-

The doorknob twisted.

River bolted. She rand down hallways. She passed god only knew how many doors. She didn't care where she was going. She just ran.

The TARDIS wasn't about to let her leave. River knew that. Her hearts were- Well, she felt like she was having a heart attack.

Eventually, even the great River Song had to stop and catch her breath. Her lungs felt like overfilled balloons, and her hearts felt like bombs repeatedly exploding.

BoomBoomBoomBoom! BoomBoomBoomBoom!

She gasped for air and slumped against a doorway. How long she had been running? She had no clue. But it took a lot to tire River. It must have been at least forty five minutes. Maybe an hour.

When the beating in her ears had quieted, she began to hear the TARDIS whispering to her again. Some sort of lilting song meant to send her back to The Doctor.

Well River wasn't listing. The TARDIS might think she knows all, but she's not a goddess. She's a box. She's a box with a lot of life experience. But she is, in the end, a box.

River looked up at the door she was leaning against and realized she was in front of her parent's old room. She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath.

"I swear to god you stupid TARDIS better have a bloody good reason for putting me here or I'll have your power cells."

She laughed in River's mind.

"I'm not going in," River continued. "You can't make me."

Though she didn't laugh this time, River could feel her smugness.

River felt the sting behind her eyes grow with her frustration. She kept her eyes pressed shut and remembered the way the door looked. She wanted to know if she could truly remember.

When she looked up, she found that she had forgotten a few little chips in the paint. The pattern she remembered running her fingers over was slightly different. She noticed a vague outline of a person in the woodgrain and remembered noticing before. It had faded in her memory.

River bit her lip. If she couldn't remember the door, what made her think she could remember what was inside?

Distantly, she heard The Doctor call her name. Her hearts instantly began to pound, and she pulled herself to her feet with the help of the doorknob. Her feet killed, but she prepared herself to run.

Then she thought about it.

She was right in front of a room The Doctor most likely would avoid with his life. He hated to go into the rooms of old companions. He claimed he thought his presence there would ruin it's energy or that if he broke something he'd never forgive himself, but she knew he was just too frightened.

The door was only maybe two feet away: a safe haven. Her parents protecting her even after they were gone.

There was a lump in her throat.

She whirled around and thrust the door open. River rushed inside and shut the door behind her. The room was dark, and River found that nice. She hated the idea of seeing this place again.

Even the smell of it summoned the sting behind her eyes closer.

Too close.

One tear slipped out, rolled down her cheek to her chin. River was careful to wipe it against her wrist and not to let it drop on the carpet.

The Doctor's voice came closer. "River?!"

Her nose felt wet like her eyes. She sucked in a breath, trying to clear it before he came close enough to hear.

With a blink, another tear fell.

She felt herself begin to breath harder. As she wiped this one, another fell.

She wiped that one. And the next. They came faster. She couldn't keep up.

River sat back on the carpet, and then lay on her side. She couldn't keep up with the tears anymore, so she just let them fall.

And then River was crying.

Her head hurt a bit in the back still, and her feet felt raw from running in heals so much today, and her hearts felt like they had been ripped apart and stitched back together only to be torn again.

"River?!" The Doctor called. His voice was closer again. Close enough that he might hear her were she to be too loud.

She tried to calm her labored breathing, but the attempt backfired. As she desperately tried to keep from hyperventalating, the stress of doing so made it more difficult.

Soon she was choking and sniffling and sobbing, and she didn't even know how she'd worked herself into this mess.

She heard footsteps, but she couldn't stop. She was too far in.

"River?" The Doctor said. He was right outside.

He twisted the doorknob but didn't open the door.

She looked up. She couldn't see much in this darkness, but she knew he was coming. She looked like a mess. She sounded like a mess.

She was a mess, and she couldn't hide anymore.

A crack of light flooded in, and she ducked her face between her arms. Her skin was wet and raw from the shoulder to the wrist, and her face was covered in tears and sweat. It felt awful to press wet skin to wet skin, suffocating almost. But she couldn't let him see.

She had to hide the damage.

She'd already failed at it today so many times. She had to try. She had to give him something. He would lose his faith in her if he knew how much she lied. And if he knew how vulnerable she really was, she just become another companion. In and out quick as any of the others. In fact, add in the lying, and she might be out right now.

"River…" he breathed.

Something brushed against her side, and she scrambled away from him, careful to look into the dark part of the room the entire time.

If he touched her, she might lose control. She might do it again.

"River, it's okay."

She wanted to argue with him, but she would convey too much in her voice. Enough was conveyed in her gasping breaths, but she was not about to let her hear her snotty, raspy voice.

"River?"

She didn't dare move.

He moved. She heard him shift.

The Doctor's hand touched her leg. She stiffened.

"I'm not good at this," he said. "Someone tried to teach me I think, but I don't remember much of it. I have cards somewhere."

She focused on every word. Not because she enjoyed his ramble but so she wouldn't remember where they were. Or why she had run in the first place.

"They say something about all sorts of places and things that might happen, but I forget most of them. I don't really know what to say here though. I just don't want you to be sad. Why are you sad? Did I do something? I do things like that a lot. Maybe I said something. Was it because I said 'shut up', because I do that to people often, and they always seem a little taken aback."

He paused. River stayed totally still. His hand was still on her leg.

"I don't say things like this with this face, but I said I would when I was the boy."

He seemed to be waiting for a response.

"I hope you're listening, because I'm not going to say it again." His said in a slightly gruffer voice. Then, he continued again. This time, his voice was quiet again.

"I love you, River Song. You want to be the most powerful woman in the world, and sometimes I think you are. But I am always here when you need help. The silly me also thought you were a little bit scary, but thankfully I've grown out of that."

She wasn't sure whether to laugh at his imbecile ending ore bust into further tears. She wanted to launch herself into his arms and be held for once, to let him be the strong one for once. This regeneration was stronger than the last. He might even be able to handle it.

But River couldn't.

Not yet at least.

All she could make herself do was lift her face from her arms. She spent a moment watching the floor. His hand shifted a bit where it rested on her calf. Her upper teeth buried into her lower lip.

She looked up at him: damp, sticky, swollen face and all.

And River Song said, "Thank you."


End file.
